Peer Psychedelics

Kate Young stood in front of the full length mirror in her barren bedroom. Her reflection shows a bird-like girl with pin straight blond hair that hit the tops of her collarbones which peeked out of a plain red sweater. Her legs, too skinny in her opinion, were clad in a pair of flared jeans she had to beg her mother to buy. With her head cocked to the side, blue eyes focused on blue eyes, she picked apart the girl standing in the mirror critically. Her too-flat chest rose and fell deeply in a sigh of dissatisfaction before peeling the red sweater off and tossing it aside with the other tops strewn around the beige carpet of her new room.
Having moved the previous week from her birthplace of Salt Lake City, Utah, California seemed like a new planet. Kate’s father was given a promotion and relocated to a place where palm trees and flashy cars replaced suburban mini-vans and fenced in backyards. High school girls and boys were suddenly these glamorous and beautiful creatures that never wore the same thing twice and drove around in their own shiny cars during lunch periods. Beverly Hills was like one big red carpet that the young people of Kate’s high school strolled along confidently, leaving perfume of superiority in the air as they passed.
Kate sighed again and closed her eyes, desperately hoping the girl in the mirror would disappear when she opened them. It seemed like, no matter what clothes she put on, every item of clothes she owned was too plain, too baggy and too boring. Her parents’ overly conservative stance on what was appropriate dress for a teenage girl in 1968 left Kate in straight leg khakis, button down cardigans and plain pastel T-shirts from Niemen Marcus. Besides her new bell-bottoms, Kate never had a say in the clothes she wore to school and church; the only two places she went in Salt Lake City besides a weekly dance class and the occasional church sponsored outing to a movie or mini-golf course. The girls at her new school wore tight fitting tops in bright patterns with designer jeans and knee-high boots. Their faces were made up like Twiggy’s with white eye shadow and fake lashes. Kate wasn’t even allowed to wear makeup, let alone show cleavage or pierce her ears. She wasn’t so self-conscious back in Utah. All of her friends looked like her and their parents looked like them; the Mormon Church prizes clean faces and conservative attire.
Kate opened her eyes reluctantly and dragged herself to the pair of cardboard packing boxes that still housed her wardrobe from her old house. Her mother had been on her back all week to finish unpacking but Kate was too preoccupied with this strange new environment she had been placed in. A girl named Erin in Kate’s calculus class had been friendly enough extend an invitation to eat lunch with her and her friends on the first day of school. The group of five or six girls, all equally beautiful, spent lunch periods gossiping and smoking cigarettes while barely nibbling on their food. Kate was silent for the most part, trying to take in the coolness the girls effortlessly exuded. On Friday, when she dropped her off at her house in her forest green Austin Healy, Erin invited Kate to a party she was throwing at her house that weekend. Tonight was the night Kate would attend her first real party....

JUMP



Dear Katherine,
I’m writing to tell you, and only you, what amazingly different and curious my new home in California is. First of all, everyone and everything here seems so glamorous. Even the youngest girls in my high school look like they could be in Vogue. They wear white eye shadow and fake lashes with bright pink blush on their cheekbones. We didn’t even wear makeup back in Utah. Remember when we were younger and we played with your mother’s bright red lipstick? We used it until there was hardly any left and we were covered with kiss marks. Then your mother walked in with her whole bible study group! She was so furious with us that she said we were sinful little girls. I was so terrified that she was going to tell my mother. Things are just so different now.
I went to my first party ever last night. I don’t even know how to explain the events of the evening. I guess I’ll just start from the beginning.
My new friend Erin invited me to a party she was throwing at her house. She told me her parents were out of town which confused me because I didn’t think their presence would be a problem; I was wrong. I wore a black tank top that I had from the dance recital we were in last year tucked into a new pair of bell-bottom jeans with my white patent leather belt around my waist. I put on a sweater before I left because I knew my mother wouldn’t let me leave the house with my arms so bare; I wish she could see the other girls at school! I walked to Erin’s house an hour before the party started. When I got there, she insisted that she put make up on me. Can you believe I’ve never worn anything more than powder until last night? Erin dusted sparkly peach blush under my cheek bones because she said it makes a face look “more defined,” whatever that means. She put dark brown shadow on my eyelids and painted a black line on the rim of each. Then she parted my hair to the side and teased it a little.
When she was finished I finally looked in the mirror and was surprised at my reflection. For once I almost looked like I fit in with the other girls at my school. I felt so good about myself that I even agreed to wear a pair of Erin’s cork wedge sandals. They were the same white color as my belt and made my legs look nice and long. Erin kept saying things like “You look so good, all the boys will be drooling.” I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want her to know that I wasn’t allowed to date boys. Katherine I was so scared to admit that I hadn’t even kissed a boy, let alone know how to flirt with one.
Erin put on a record as we waited for the guests to arrive. She went to the kitchen after a couple more girls showed up with grocery sacks and came back with two red plastic cups. She handed one to me and winked. I looked in the cup full of brown fizzy liquid and tried not to look confused. I asked her what was in the drink and she told me not to worry about it. Oh Katherine, I knew there was alcohol in it but I convinced myself that since I wasn’t told, it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t until the first group of boys showed up that I even started to feel different. I got flushed in the face and really jolly when a tall blond boy named Steven nodded my way and winked at me. I got this tingling feeling through my lower body that I had never felt before. I wanted to be touched and kissed by somebody. I wanted to be embarrassed by my sinful thoughts but I couldn’t bring myself to stop; I really liked it.
After an hour or so of socializing Erin called everyone into the living room. I had just finished my second drink and was feeling especially social. I plopped down onto the shag rug in the living room and kicked off my heels; something in the drink made walking in them difficult and uncomfortable. Erin was standing in front of the fireplace with a small plastic bag of candy clutched in one hand. I remember noticing her nails were the same color orange as her tight fitting pencil skirt. She just looked so groovy. She unfurled the bag in her hand with one flicking motion and the guests at the party started hooting and clapping a little bit. I was confused because Erin hadn’t said anything and I had no idea why a bag filled with Necco Wafers was so exciting.
“Now we’re going to need a few baby sitters to stay behind on the trip,” Erin said through a wide grin, “any takers?” She looked around the room until a couple hands reluctantly rose in the air. She gave a piece of candy to the remaining people, ending with me. Erin tucked a wafer into my hand and winked again. “Are you ready to free your mind?” The warmth from the drinks was showing in my blushing face as I closed my hand around the candy. I had no idea what I was supposed to do with it at first, but then I looked around at the other kids popping the wafers in their mouths excitedly. I opened my hand to look at the green circular candy in my palm. There was a small dark dot in the middle of the circle, like someone had already licked it. I looked around the room once more and without really thinking twice I placed the wafer on my tongue. I’ve always hated the taste of them but I didn’t want the other kids to know I wasn’t experienced with what I was about to experience.
Katherine, I cannot even begin to describe the next several hours. I remember feeling a strange disconnection from the earth as the connection with the people and objects in the room grew incredibly strong. I wanted to touch, taste, see, hear and be everything and everyone. I saw waves of colors that I didn’t even know existed which I tried to name but couldn’t form a sensible word. I held hands with the boy named Steven while sitting on the same shag rug I sat on when I first ate the candy. How amazing it felt to run my hands through it! Steven’s eyes were locked on mine and he called me beautiful. I don’t know what to think or feel about what happened next but I’m going to tell you because you are my most trusted friend. After running our hands along eachothers palms and arms for what felt like days, Steven moved his hands up to my face. He tucked one side of my hair behind my ear which made me giggle because it tickled my face, then he leaned in slowly, and kissed me. The tingling feeling I told you about earlier warmed my entire body and I wanted nothing more than to kiss him forever. Oh Katherine, what a sin! Me, plain Mormon Kate, kissing a boy I’ve only just met after drinking and eating this extraordinary candy. It was like I couldn’t stop myself from doing anything! My body was free to do whatever it wanted without rhyme or reason. How liberating it was!
After the feeling dulled and the colors faded, I could actually think clearly enough to ask Erin what had happened. She laughed at me giddily and told me there was LSD on each piece of candy. She said that I had just gone on my first psychedelic trip. I was so surprised and confused that I ran to the bathroom and began to cry. All the makeup Erin had put on me earlier that night was running down my face as I prayed to God to forgive me for being such a horrible servant. The horrible thing is though, Katherine, I really enjoyed it. I think I want to do it again.
Please keep my secret Katherine. I’m just in need of an old friend and some comprehensible advice. I have no Mormon friends at school and no one seems to understand what I’m going through.

Missing you,
Kate Young